I know you do
by Quathy
Summary: This one shot takes place after the freezer, not in the hospital but several days later


**I know you do**

Lanie cleared a space on her desk so she had room to unpack her sandwich. The red and white checked waxed paper crinkled as she undid the folded edges. But she couldn't eat. The smell of ammonia and cleaning fluids was potent and so she packed up her lunch and finding Kate sat in Castles chair beside her while she was doing paperwork.

"Hey girl, whats up?" she asked "Where's Castle and why's he not in his seat?" she placed her lunch down on the edge of the desk and unpacked the sandwich. Kate's first reaction was to protest the invasion of her desk but remembering that it was Lanie and not Castle, she allowed the infraction to slip and instead snuck in to steal her pickle while she had the sandwich in front of her face and could not protest.

"He's home dropping off Alexis. She flew in from her mother's and he had to pick her up at the airport and take her home. They're having a family dinner." Lanie looked up from another large bite.

"What are you doing tonight?" Kate looked up and skwinched the side of her face slightly.

"Having that talk with Josh?" asked Lanie.

"N-" pause "o" she answered. Lanie looked to coaxer her on.

"We had that talk already." She answered.

"No you didn't, and how did that go?" She exclaimed and put her sandwich down to focused on Kate.

"He…ok, Josh understood it was coming. After the terrorist case, Castle went home to Alexis and Martha and I went home and there was no one there and so I called Josh to check in …and I was trying to tell him I just needed to talk because I had a real life altering experience, recognizing that I was going to end, that I was going to die and not wake back up. He stopped me and wouldn't say anything for a minute; he wanted to know why I hadn't called him from the hospital and you know as well as I did that we just went back to work on the terrorist case but he was really hurt that I didn't call him."

"That and you weren't really thinking about Josh because you didn't even call him until Castle went home to his family" said Lanie reiterating that point for Kate, who had already been thinking it herself. "All you were doing was paperwork all night."

"Yeah, Castle called when we were talking, to check in on me" said Kate. Lanie perked up and coaxed her to continue.

"He sounded like he did in the freezer, concerned and caring. He asked if he could come over but I was talking to Josh and so I said no but maybe I should have just finished my conversation with Josh and ….I needed to talk to Castle because he was there…"

"And you didn't go? You know he probably needed to talk! Kate…" asked Lanie tentatively "You know Castle loves you right?" Kate didn't make eye contact with her for a moment confessing perhaps that she was ashamed of her lack of recognition or reciprocation.

"I do, I know and that's why Josh and I aren't seeing each other now. He was upset I didn't think to call him and I know he's right, I didn't think to call him and you're right, I wanted to be with Castle that night." Kate was looking squarely at the corner of the ink blotter on her desk and not at Lanie who was thinking her slow to realize.

"Just so I know" Lanie clarified "be with, you mean talk to right…?"

"Yeah, sure talk to, be with…no, I wanted to fall asleep next to him" admitted Kate. "Lanie, he kept me up off the cold floor so I wouldn't die and blew on my fingers." Her voice was pensive, slow and thoughtful.

"Go over and talk to him, God knows you need to talk about it, you both nearly froze to death; that's not just something you go home from at the end of the day without thinking about." Lanie was picking at the seeds on the top of her bun.

"Go now, it's been two days, Castle likely needs to talk about it as much as you do." Lanie looked at her watch. "You're still good, 3:00. And take this with you" she pulled Castles scarf out from behind her back. It has been left there on the back of the chair.

"Go home Beckett its Saturday" came the deep voice of captain Montgomery from within his office. Oh dear lord she thought, I hope he was not listening to their conversation.

Beckett stood up and collected her coat and gloves from her desk and smiled with nervous anticipation before heading toward the elevator.

"Take this" Lanie reminded her and held out Castles scarf. She darted back, grabbed the scarf and climbed into the open elevator cab.

It was winter and though it was only late afternoon the sky was dark and it felt like night was approaching. I'd say there are perhaps two hours of day light left Beckett thought. She caught a cab and stepped out onto the curb beside his apartment building. She was nervous but paused and thought for a moment realizing that she had no need to be; she was not going to say anything that would change the dynamic of their relationship rather just thank him and see if he needed to talk, and return his scarf of course. Her mind was clear and she was not conflicted about her intentions for coming over to Castles apartment but she felt somewhere so very far inside that she did not want to talk, rather curl up next to Castle and just sleep. Perhaps this was what felt familiar. They had curled up next to one another in the freezer for warmth and now when she thought about being in there she thought also of being next to Castle.

She climbed the front steps, took the elevator up to the penthouse and strode nervously up to his door nervousness etched in every step - and then she knocked. There was the sound of several voices muffled behind the door before it swung open widely and Martha ushered her into the apartment.

"Kate, so glad to see you darling" She said and guided her over to the table where Alexis was sitting with her mother.

"Kate, have you ever met Meredith, Richard's first wife?" asked Martha.

"Oh, Martha" she said "I didn't know I was interrupting something" Recognizing that they were having a family dinner; Kate held the scarf up so as to justify her intensions for stopping by. All of a sudden she felt foolish, this was a family event with Alexis and her parents. Of course, of course she thought, Castle had gone to pick Alexis and her mother up at the airport for a family evening. What was she thinking, that she was doing him a favor by coming by to see if he needed to talk, he was with his family.

"None sense, you are not interrupting anything" said Martha "Richard is not even here, he's playing ah," she paused and suppressed a small but jovial snort "…laser tag with Dan but he should be back shortly. Please sit and eat with us there is plenty of pasta and…" Martha practically guided her into the seat across form Meredith and then moved lightly across the kitchen and pulled a bottle of white zinfandel out of the refrigerator "I can pour you a glass of wine if you like?" Kate protested but before she knew it she was sitting with the family with a bowl of past a before her and glass of wine in her hand.

"Meredith, this is Nicki Heat" explained Martha as she gestured toward Castles ex-wife. Meredit had a quizzical look on her face.

"I…I know who she is" her expression suggested she was not quite certain why Kate was here. Martha knew why she was here; Alexis knew why she was here. When Richard had come home last night he called his family to let them know that it was safe to fly back into the city. Martha had flown home immediately to escape Alexis's mother and Castle returned to find a bewildered yet inquisitive mother. Alexis and Meredith had followed the next day.

Richard was pale, his skin sallow and large round circles under his eyes. Martha approached him at once and embraced him. "It's alright mother, I am not hurt" he assured her and took her hands in his own. They were frostbitten and his lungs wheezed when he breathed in deeply. As he explained to her where they had been and how they had approached the hopeless realization that they would not see their loved ones again Martha listened with superfluous angst and then realizing that he was indeed not in any danger hugged him affectionately in relief.

"That poor girl" she had said thinking of Kate "you had better see how she is doing alone in that apartment. She is perfectly welcome here where she is with people who love her." Her son looked at her wondering if that was just an unintentional reference to loved ones or if she intended to touch on something so very close this heart and so very tender at this moment. Castle withered a little thinking about Kate, thinking that he wanted nothing less than to see her that night and know that she was not alone in her apartment but also thinking that she had someone to comfort her.

"Kate, said Meredith, exactly how is it that you aand Richard work together?" she asked with a false sense of innocence. She picked up her napkin and dabbed at the corners of her mouth and then smiled.

"I, ah, perhaps I should leave" said Beckett. Kate pushed her hair behind her ears and looked toward the door.

"Oh, no, Kate, don't leave" said Alexis who both wanted Beckett to stay and relieve her from the frivolous monotony of her mother's company and wanted her also to stay until her father got home. Had Alexis just let Kate leave she knew that her father, as much as he loved laser tag, would be crestfallen knowing he had missed her.

"No, don't leave" reiterated Meredith, outwardly letting it be known that she did not intend to chase her off. "Please, tell us what it is like for the two of you, what do you do? What kind of a partnership do you have?" Meredith was wearing a bright orange dress with a white collar and a weighty gem bracelet which tinkled against her wine glass as she took another drink. She was sitting up very straight and looked very refined, almost regal with her elegant posture and her bright and flawless smile. Alexis was already off her chair and ready to take Kate by the elbow to show her ponies in her room if it was necessary but Kate sat back down and looked at her mother.

"It's like working with a partner" she said simply. "He's got my back, I've got his" there's not much to say Castle's…."

"You call him Castle?" Meredith interrupted "Why don't you just call him Rick?" she said emphasizing the familiarity she shared with Castle which Beckett did not enjoy.

"We have a working relationship Meredith, Castle…" Kate continued

"That sounds so funny" interrupted Meredith again "Castle is just a pen name" she said reinforcing again the familiarity of her relationship to Castle. Kate got up from the table, pulled the napkin from her lap and placed it carefully down on the table.

"I think its time, I need to take off" she said kindly to Martha and went toward the door.

"Kate…" said Alexis, dad will be home soon, come stick your feet in the hot tub with me she directed.

"Where do you guys have place for a hot tub?" asked Kate looking around the apartment.

"Up on the roof" answered Alexis in 'a well of course' kind of way. Her eyes cast upward toward the ceiling. Beckett didn't think twice, she took the opportunity to wait for Castle and followed Alexis up to the roof. Sometimes she thought Alexis was a miracle child with twice as much maturity as her grandmother and four times as much as both her mother and her father. Popping off her boots and rolling her socks off her feet she sat down on the edge of the pool and stuck her feet in. It felt amazing on the pads of her feet which had been bent and compressed into unnecessarily tall heels all day.

"I don't recommend heels Alexis" she said, "If you can avoid them they do you a disservice." Kate rubbed the bottom of her foot and pushed her thumb deep into a knot.

"Kate, my dad's in love with you" said Alexis very calmly yet pointedly.

"Why do you say that" said Kate, shocked by the immediacy of this statement.

"Gram can not keep a secret save her life" began Alexis.

"Castle…I mean your dad told her that?" Kate jumped in.

"We'll not exactly…" Alexis had her jeans rolled up to her knees and she was moving her legs up and down slowly through the water pushing against the current.

"He has frostbite and he hasn't really talked about it, not with me at least. I mean he hugged me in an unnatural 'I'm so glad you alive' kind of way when I got home and gram told me the rest. He's been back and forth between cooking and laser tag and lying on his couch in is office just thinking.

"Oh, sweetie, that doesn't mean he's in love" Kate replied. Your father just needs to think, he just got a really big awakening that he is not a superhero and he will die someday and that for your father is a really big thing, he still thinks he's Superman." Kate would have suggested a more unique superhero but in all honesty, she thought, he really did think he was Superman. Alexis looked sorrowful for a moment, partially because her father had come so close to dyeing but also because she could not tell if Kate loved her father or if she simply did not want to recognize it.

Downstairs Castle had come home. He deposited his octo-lense laser rifle by the door and kissed his mother on the cheek.

"Hey my scarf, I thought I left this at work" he said. Both his other and Meredith went to speak at once.

"At work, Ricard, you don't work there" said Meredith.

At the same time Martha stated "Kate dropped it off" Richards face fell thinking that he had missed her.

"Here Richard" said Meredith placing a bowl of pasta before him and expecting him to sit and eat.

"No" said Castle. He got back up and grabbed him coat to leave for Kate's apartment.

"Richard" said Meredith, "you saw this woman all day and Alexis and I just got here" she pushed failing to mention that Beckett was on the roof with Alexis.

"Richard, Richard" Martha chimed in attempting to get his attention. Kate is still here, she is on the roof with Alexis sticking her feet in the hot tub." Castle let out a sigh of relief, put down the jacket and headed up the stairwell to the roof. The two girls were sitting together on the edge of the tub, their feet dangling in and their arms supporting them from behind. They looked like they were talking about something important and so he did not want to disturb them.

"Is it that you don't want him to be in love with you or that you don't think he is?" asked Alexis. She looked over at Kate, who did not know what to answer. While she wanted to be honest with Alexis she did not know if that would be a good thing or a bad thing.

Kate did not want to admit to Alexis, nor to herself, that she thought she was right. Castle had held her off of the cold floor of the storage container at great expense to his own body heat and likely would not have the frostbite on his face and hands had he not braced himself against the wall of the container and had he kept his hand in his pockets rather than holding on to her. It likely saved her life she thought. If Alexis was right, she would have to determine in her own mind if she loved him, something she was not ready to face, and either relieve his angst or risk losing him as a partner.

"Maybe he is Alexis" she admitted. Castle was listening. He did not intend to eavesdrop but he also did not expect that his daughter would be having this conversation with Beckett, whom he could verify, he loved very very much. He touched the rough patch of skin on his face where he had been leaning up against the frozen container wall and hoped that she both knew he was in love with her and also wanted him to be. Thinking that this was a conversation he should be having with Beckett and not Alexis, Castle, who had wanted deeply to remain perched by the door listening to their conversation, strode across the roof.

"There are my favorite girls in the whole world" he said looking at Alexis and then at Beckett who, in light of their recent conversation, blushed slightly. He held her eye for a moment and then he looked away not wanting to scare her. Wishing them good night, Alexis scampered across the roof and went back in to the apartment building. Castle pulled off his shoes and socks, rolled up his pant legs and sat down very close to Beckett's side. She didn't move.

"I heard you and Alexis talking" said Castle turning to face her. He smiled as he wagged his feet in the water.

"Yeah?" she probed.

"You know, Beckett, Alexis and sued to do this when she was a little girl; come up to the roof and swish our feet in the tub. Not Meredith though, it was just Alexis and I"

"Why?" asked Beckett. Because I didn't love her he thought.

"Oh it was fun he said" placing his arm around Beckett's waist.

"No, why didn't Meredith come up?" she asked and he just looked at her.

"You've met her" he sad dryly and without lingering, he said "I do love you Kate. You know that and if you don't it's got to come from me and not from my fourteen year old daughter" he said. Kate wasn't surprised.

"I know you do" she said relaxing into his side. With the arm he had wrapped around her waist he picked up her hand and rubbed her frostbitten knuckle.

"I'm really glad your alive Kate" he said softly. She didn't say anything, just let him sit next to her and let him move his thumb gently across her knuckles.


End file.
